drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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