He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
