If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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