Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize