I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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