I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
