Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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