Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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