you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
