Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
