fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
