That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
