Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize