did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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