wakey wakey hands off snakey
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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