You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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