last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just forgot I was standing up.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
