tell your sister to shave her snatch
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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