Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
