I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
