if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
