Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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