Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
