3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My pussy is not your playground.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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