I'm going to jail i love you
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
