I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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