I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
