come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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