also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
