I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
