fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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