It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
