I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
