the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
