Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize