like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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