dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
