it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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