my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize