well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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