if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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