My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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