HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
