Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
