there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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