I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize