we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
