Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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