nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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