i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
