Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
