if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize