i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
