dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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