He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
