Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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