found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize