Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
