At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
