just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
