you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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