names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
