My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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