I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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