Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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