So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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