am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
