also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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