this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
