Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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