it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Panties = found
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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