so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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