We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
