From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize