I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
