I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Too much gin, very little bucket
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
