Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
