i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize