Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
