Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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