He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
