I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
