We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
