Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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