"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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