great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
