Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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