She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just forgot I was standing up.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
