please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
