Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize