i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my shit smells like andre
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize