You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
