Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Randomize
