Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
