everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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