it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
