I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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